| important** |
[21 Sep 2005|12:30am] |
Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby?
right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you?
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say
I was left to cry there
Waiting outside there
Grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
Why should I care?
Cause you weren't there
When I was scared
I was so alone
You, You need to listen
I'm starting to trip
I'm losing my grip
And I'm in this thing alone
Am I just some chick
you placed beside you
to take somebody's place?
When you turn around
can you recognize my face?
You used to love me
you used to hug me
but that wasn't the case
everything wasn't okay
I was left to cry there
Waiting outside there
Grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
Why should I care?
Cause you weren't there
when I was scared
I was so alone
You! You need to listen
I'm starting to trip
I'm losing my grip
and I'm in this thing alone
Crying out loud
I'm crying out loud
crying out loud
I'm crying out loud
Open your eyes
open up wide
Why should I care?
Cause you weren't there
when I was scared
I was so alone
Why should I care?
Cause you weren't there
when I was scared
I was so alone
Why should I care?
If you don't care
then I don't care
we're not going anywhere
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[21 Sep 2005|12:28am] |
okay so i have pretty much abandonded this live journal business. but for now i think im just going to use it to post song lyrics. a lot of songs have hit home recently. so thats that.
Because of you- Kelly Clarkson
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
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[21 Nov 2004|10:04pm] |
i know i havent updated in a few days, but this week has been a little "less than stellar" (for those cheney girls) crazy amounts of work due in preperation to going home. of course we managed to have our fun in there... we went to the dashboard concert in elmira on tuesday. it was a lotttttttttt of fun. we got to the college and the tickets were sold out. we couldnt believe it. we kinda smooth talked this guy and he let all six of us in. it was an amazzzzzzzzzzzzzzing show.
thursday night, we went out and got drunkkkk. ouch. it hurt the next morning. escape was closed, and we were sad, but its all good.
friday we went to PA. we had a great time. it was alittle confusing at first who was all going, but it ended up being me cerice allie ash tina anthony champ sweat and james. we had an awesome time. we didnt realyl do all that much the whole weekend besides l ay around, but it was just so good to get away from all the drama and mayhem.
now its back to reality. sad. i h ave to write a paper and i dont wannaaaaaaaaaaaa.
cerice and i are going dress shopping in syracuse tomorrow for the formal. so excited :)
time to write my paper.
peace
ps- what do you do if you know something about someone that is dangering themselves. like someone is in physical harm because of something they do to themselves and they dont want anyone to know about it, but they told you. what do you do? they dont want you to tell anyone, but they are in physical harm. helpppp
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[14 Nov 2004|05:19pm] |
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in my life |
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i know i havent updated in a while, but this cortaca thing really wore me down.
yey for cortaca weekend. everyone loves cortaca weekend. yea not so much. i was on duty thursday and friday night and i nightclerked friday and saturday night. extremely fun (nope). our staff really pulled together though. we were shorthanded, but everyone did a great job and going above and beyond their share of work. i think for the most part we did a really good job of handling everything.
a lot of stuff happened this weekend that really made me think. i dont really wanna get into it though. i dont even know why i wrote that.
i was finally able to talk to trevor. he called me at like 330am on friday. i was so glad to talk to him, i cant even explain it. things are not looking good where he is. one of his friends died last week. can you imagine? he was 20. thats so young. okay, i dont want to talk about it anymore.
i have a 6 page paper due on thursday about upton sinclair. wonderful. i havent started.
i HATE powerpoint, i cant get anything to work right mother trucker. yea.
cerice and i are planning to go out on thursday. hopefully that happeneds. who knows.
PA THIS WEEKENED! yey. i cant wait. i think we are leaving at like 10am on saturday cause im on duty friday. holler.
okay im gonna go get stuff done. maybe not. okay then.
comment puhlease
<3
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[11 Nov 2004|03:26pm] |
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i have things that i want to say....and a journal is the place to say it. but im not going to in fear of hurting other peoples feelings. maybe that sounds bitchy or whatever, but HGFSJGJGAGMSLA.
ill update a real journal entry when im not this mad.
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| just work your body...and let it go. |
[10 Nov 2004|08:30pm] |
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britney |
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im apologizing to anyone who has had to encounter grumpy jill for the past 2 days. im over it i swear. cerice and i got pizza and ice cream today so i think we feel better now. our pores are yelling at us, and our thighs are like WHAT THE HELL....but we are less grumpy now. thank god.
happy birthday to christopher (formally known as sweat) and jill kennedy! i love you guys!!!!!
so heres the news on the cancun trip. cerice and i decided that instead of making everyone miserable about not being able to come this year....we are doing it NEXT spring break. yes ladies and gents, thats spring break 2006! (yea and i STILL wont be 21) okay. so its the same info, hopefully more people will be able to come to this trip then.
going along with trip info....PA round 2 is coming up. we are doing another PA weekend rather soon. we are gonna go saturday and sunday of nove 20th weekend. im on duty friday night, so thats not happening, but we are gonna leave saturday morning. yey :) its the same crowd for the most part, but ive invited janine and michelle from bing :) maybe that can meet my friends from school! anyway, just let me know if anyone wants to come.
im not really looking foward to going home for thanksgiving. im used to having thanksgiving at my house. i love it. and grandpa isnt going to be there which makes me so sad cause ive never spent a thanksgiving without him. hes my canned cranberries lover. hes the only one that backs me up! what am i gonna do without him. maybe this sounds dumb, but im being serious here! whatever. yea so the last week show is friday and thats probably the only thing im looking foward to. i really cant wait. its gonna be so kickass. yeyyyyyyyyy. its at the knitting factory in chelsea. ive never been there. im excited to go somewhere new.
time for staff meetings. later kids. commment please. it would make me smile :)
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| you dont want to look much closer... |
[09 Nov 2004|04:53pm] |
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something corporate |
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im sick of being grumpy today. i hate being grumpy. im not a grumpy person. i think maybe i just expect too much of people sometimes and i get let down. im sick of it. i get let down all the time. maybe if i lower my standards for my friends and people i confide in, i wont be disapointed all the time. speaking of which i dont think this trip is going to happen anymore. there arent enough people, so if anyone wants to go please let me know ASAP that you are interested, otherwise i think im just going to have to cancel it.
i woke up late today. i missed a class. i know i broke the pact, but i didnt mean to. my alarm didnt go off, and it sucks. i have to go downstairs to sell ribbons in a few minutes.
i havent heard from trevor in about 3 weeks now. i know i may be over reacting, but this is a big deal for me. everyone keeps telling me that hes busy, and i know he is. but he was so hell bent on making sure he could call me and email me once every week. he told me come hell or high water that he would get a message to me and let me know he was alright. hes in fallujah right now. thats the bad part isnt it? it was on the news last night and i couldnt bare to watch it. its just so painful thinking about how im sitting here in my nice, heated, dorm room watching movies with my friends and i complain about something as stupid as not being able to go to cancun for 8 days with my friends, when he is out there fighting. i cant believe how selfish i am sometimes. im scared for him. i want him to come home. i want things to go back to normal.
sometimes there are things in your past you cant tell people. random i know, but its true. i feel like no matter where i go in life and move on, i have this shadow behind me that just wont go away. just when you think its over, it comes back to haunt you. it was in the past, does it need to come back and ruin college life too? yea i guess it does.
im going to sell ribbons now and try to be happy because who wants to buy ribbons from a grumpy person.
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| let your waves crash down on me |
[08 Nov 2004|03:45pm] |
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yellowcard |
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okay so i made a pact with sweat that i am going to go to all of my classes this week. i am on a good track, i went to both of my monday classes, which for me is a good thing. My french final and my sociology final are on the same day, same time which sucks, but oh well, ill change that.
i got a call from the travel agent from our cancun trip thing. okay heres the deal....
we were originally thinking of getting roundtrip airfare and staying at the holiday inn express in cancun. our price was going to be $487 for 4 nights 5 days. the problem here is this...that doesnt include customs taxes, transportation, food, drinks, activities, anything. and its a mile and a half from the beach and from downtown. student adventure travel, who we are looking to book through, gave us a price of $900 for 8 days 7 nights. he said that all of the resorts that they are affiliated with have a 7 night student minimum stay for spring break trips, so even if we wanted to stay for 5 nights, we would still have to pay for 7. this price includes food, 60 hours of free drinks, a vip party pack, trip insurance, our own rep, maid fees, gratuity, airfare, resort, transportation, etc. our luggage would be taken directly to the hotel by the people who work for this company. we would be picked up at the airport by them and they would check us in to the hotel to make sure that everything was okay with our stay. it makes a lot of sense for us to take this package. we would be virtually paying the same amount of money but its a nicer place. and this way it will be easier because we can all leave school at the same time, go home with me and stay at my house and have my parents take us to the airport on saturday to get our plane, come back next saturday and then we can all drive back to school together.
i hope this works because i think its going to be one of the best times of our lives if it does.
by the way, this is an open trip. we are trying to get a big group, so i want everyone to come if possible. anyone who thinks they or some of their friends are interested let me know asap.
btw, i think im getting sick again. i just have that feeling. im really not happy about it, and i really dont want to go home to get it checked out. bah
okay im gonna go shower. later kids.
comment....ESPECIALLY if your interested in a cancun trip!
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[07 Nov 2004|11:08pm] |
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dont cry out loud....just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings....
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| "bad ass chicks from the moulin rouge" |
[07 Nov 2004|01:39pm] |
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mood |
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its all coming back to me now-celine |
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im sooooooooo sick of drama. after last year, i would really be quite content with no more drama for a very long time. if this is the start of this year than we are all in trouble. im sick of people not telling me how they feel. im sick of finding out from another source that someone has a problem with me. we are adults. we need to face our problems because we all have to live together, and no one needs to deal with this shit.
anywayssss,
carolyn and jill leave today :( im quite sad about that. i miss having a roomate, and with carolyn here its like i have one. i love it. we are so goofy. we just sang celine dion. yey for celine!
jk and sweat have a birthday coming up so we celebrated this weekend. happy birthday guys! you guys are the best!
cant wait till cerice comes home today. boy have a missed her this weekend.
aright lj readers. im off to enjoy the day. <3 ya! comment!
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| "and wouldnt it be beautiful...." |
[06 Nov 2004|05:11pm] |
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gooniessssss |
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oh boy. okay so peppermint schnopps. yea. hi. thats all i have to say cause i think carolyn and i said it all last night. we had a lot of fun though. i feel bad for the people that had to listen to us, but no one has said that we were too obnoxious yet.
im so glad jill and carolyn are both here this weekend. when they come to visit i always realize what good friends they are. i mean, i only knew jill for a semester and she left school and we still see eachother like once a month. that is an amazing friendship. and carolyn was my closest friend last year. i thought that i would never see her anymore once she left school. now that shes here i realize how much she means to me and how i wouldnt trade the moments that we have shared for anything. jill and carolyn are sitting in my room right now...of course they are picking on me cause they find that hysterical! and its like nothing ever changed. we are the same people we were last year, we have just grown up a little. i miss them a lot and i really hope that we all stay in touch over the years. carolyn and i will live in the city and be busy career girls. jill and i will be twins until we are old and grey. i love them to death i really do.
my cortland friends are amazing. all of them. i really really am so glad that i have met each and every one of them. no matter how many intoxicated stupid moments that we have together, a few of them have gotten me through some tough times, and some rough nights. i know this is a little emo, but i really do love you guys :) and those who i just met, and maybe we arent as close as i am with some of my other friends from last year...i hope things get as close with us.
okay im done being emo now. well not emo but sappy. aright i am going to go hang with my girlies. comment kids!
pssst. if you comment i will give you a kissssss!
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| banana knock knock |
[05 Nov 2004|01:04am] |
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stay- lisa loeb |
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guess what?! carolyn is here for the weekend! i am so friggin excited.
yea so i havent been to french in over a week...and i just looked at my syllabus and i have a test tomorrow. yes. great. i really dont need to fail.
i had class all day today. not so fun, but you do what you have to do. i have a stats test on tuesday and an anthro paper due monday. maybe if i write it down here ill remember to do it.
meetings today. not so fun. THE OC PREMIERE WAS TODAY!it was so good. i had residents come in here and watch it with me. it was fun.
then carolyn came! im so excited shes here. its like a piece of me is back. i love it.
id write more but im really distracted right now. ill update later.
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| the sound of the stereo, dim of the soft lights... |
[03 Nov 2004|07:59pm] |
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dahsboardddd |
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i know i know. i havent updated in like months. but i keep forgetting. im done forgetting though, im here to be faithful again.
i went home this weekend, which was good. i saw andrea marie for the first time since august and it was very heartfelt. i loved it. i also got to see my boys from old nav 5654 who i love to death. we went to an interesting party saturday night to say the least. I saw my loves from the firehouse which was nice. seeing them always makes me miss summer. i had a pretty uneventful weekend really. halloween with the kiddies was fun. we had the neighborhood halloween party which was good cause i got to see everyone. ehh not to much else. oh yea and i saw grandpa and aunt patty which made me smile because i thought i wasnt going to see them until christmas.
okay so i came back to school at midnight monday night/tuesday morning so i missed my monday classes. i went to all of my tuesday classes. then sweat and reese and me pulled an all-nighter so we could take laurie to the airport at 430 am. we tried so hard to stay up. we went to dennys at like 3 and we watched the day after tomorrow. we had a really fun night though. so many funny things happen when you are deathly tired. anyways, i missed all of my classes today and all of my meetings too because i was so tired i felt sick. it was NOT good. but it was worth it. tonight i have a staff meeting from 830-1030 and then cerice and i are fundraising at the nightclerk desk until 2am. ugh. then i am going to beddddddd.
okay so my most exciting thing EVER is that we are planning a spring break trip FINALLY! im so excited :) we wanted to stay at like a 5 star place, and we got a really good rate for this all inclusive place whihc was amazing, but its $800 and its a little too long of a trip for us. so this is what we have planned right now. we are going to go monday march 7 thru friday march 11th. we are going to stay at the holiday inn express in cancun (trashy i know, but its $20 a night per person!) and we are going to have an amazing time. its like $487 for 5 days. which is incredible. im so psyched. anyone that wants to come with us this is open to everyone. we would like to get a huge group. i am going to give everyone the info and i will book the hotel,. but everyone is going to have to book their own airfare to insure that everyone gets seats. IM SO EXCITED.
Carolyn is coming to visit tomorrowwwwwwwwww :) i havent seen her in what feels like FOREVER. i cant wait, we are going to have an amazing weekend. Jill K is coming too! MY BEST FRIENDS ARE REUNITED! THIS IS AMAZING! unfortunately cerice and laurie are both home for the weekend which makes me very sad. but hopefully we will still have fun.
okay its staff meeting time. peace kids. leave me comments to make me smile :)
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[06 Sep 2004|11:56pm] |
so yea. what a weekend huh?
friday night was soooooooo interesting. lets say i had a LOT of fun. cerice my girlfriend was my pal that night. i dont think i can/should repeat the events of that night in my live journal, so if you want to hear about it, just ask.
friday afternoon i had called my sister to come visit for the weekend. i was having a really bad week and i needed a little cheering up from the little sis. so she came early saturday morning. unfortunately i was not feeling so well. or slash up to par.
so my sissy was here for thw WHOLE freakin weekend! it was awesome. we had a wonderful time. im so glad she came. she makes me so happy.
okay well tooley and jeff are here for a late night chat session
night all
COMMENT DAMNIT
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[02 Sep 2004|02:39am] |
have you ever looked around and wondered why you do the things you do. actions in the past that you wish you could do over again. i swear i am having like a complete revelation of my second semester and i just cant believe the person i was or the things that i did. i literally have a stomach ache just thinking about it. why?
im looking back and remembering certain things about past relationships. why was i such a bitch to him. why didnt i take time think things through. why did i rush things. why didnt i take the chance to listen to what he had to say. why didnt i look around at my life and realize how lucky i actually was. that is the mystery that is my life i guess.
the fact of the matter is, no matter how much i want to go back and turn back time, i cant. ive been trying for almost a month to do that. to think of ways that i can make things right again. and i guess the answer is, i cant. it just cant be done. whats done is done i guess.
but here is what i want to say to you. im sorry. im sorry for not taking the time to listen to you and understand where you were coming from. im sorry for not stopping and smelling the roses, because if you could only understand how much i want things back that i cant have, then maybe i could feel one ounce of the pain i put on you.
maybe im just saying this because its 3am. or maybe im saying this because it is on my mind 24 hours a day. and i cant make it go away. as much as i would just like to say im over it, whats done is done....i cant, because thats not true. i still want to be with you. its true, i do. i was so lucky. and you know what, i am still lucky. because for a few months i got to understand what it was like to be someones partner in life. i wish i could get it all back.
but i cant.
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[20 Aug 2004|11:13am] |
another rainy day here in cortland new york. its friday and we are getting ready for opening tomorrow. i feel like ive been here forever, but i dont know if im ready for everyone to move in yet. its cool having the whole building to only 6 people! lol well lazer tag was definitly one of the highlights. running around in an empty building.
ps my comptuer in my room sucks assss. it has a virus that i cant get rid of. it has all these shitty popups and stuff. grrrr.
okay well im going to go get some more stuff done.
later kids.
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[18 Aug 2004|01:55pm] |
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well hello from cortland. thats right kids i am back at school. ive been here for a week already actually. at first i was pissed about coming back so early, but its not bad. ive met some really cool people. there are only a few of us int he building right now so its cool. we play lazer tag at night. its hardcore. aright i have to go back to more training sessions. we have to do mock duty tonight in front of our staff and the staff from the building across the way, and im scared. im not a freakin actress damnit! and its scary situations that we have to handle. i dont wannnnnnnnnnnna. aright its time to go. leave comments.
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[17 Jun 2004|06:18pm] |
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hey kids.
hookay. well its been quite sometime since ive updated, but dont worry i didnt forget. im home for the summer now. chillin at the club with my buddies :) and workin at old navy sometimes. doing a variety of other things. yes its exciting i swear.
important dates to remember.....
july 8th-->britney spears!!
June 28th---> last week cd release party!!!!
july 28th---> pat benatar concert
etc etc... the list goes on.
im sorry to make this short but i need to depart. lol
leave commenets and ill update.
TOODLES
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[08 May 2004|05:38pm] |
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dont want you back- eamon |
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3 more days until i come home :)
im excited. but soooo stressed at the same time.
child psych and earth science final are done and over with :\ i dont know how i feel about either of them.
i packed a lot this weekend. 4 carloads later i was done. not a good sign. i have to downsize and everything. im trying, but its easier said then done. right now im prepacking my books so that i can have them ready for next semester and i can just pick them up. im excited for next year, but so stressed at the same time. im going to be doing so much, i hope i can handle it.
well its time for this stinky ass to get inthe shower.
later kids.
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dancerbabie143's journal
